"HAMNET" ==== Shakespeare's play adapted for irc
First performed 12 December 1993 20:00 GMT on #Hamnet
copyright 1993 The Hamnet Players, San Diego, CA
all enquiries to: sirrah@cg57.esnet.com
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.      THE COMPLETE SCRIPT........OFFICIAL SOUVENIR EDITION
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.
<audience> rhubarb... <<+1+>>
**<< Action >>** : _The CURTAIN RISES to reveal the stage set...

<_Set> :
<_Set>  ______*   ______*               *______   *______
<_Set> <      |  <      |               |      >         |      >
<_Set> <______|  <______|               |______>         |______>
<_Set>  |               |               |               |
<_Set>    ^^^^^^^^^     ^^^^^^^^^       ^^^^^^^^^       ^^^^^^^^^
<_Set>    |   +   |     |   +   |       |   +   |       |   +   |
<_Set>    |   +   |________|   +   |________|   +   |________|   +   |
<_Set>    |                                                       |
<_Set>    |   +  +      +       +       +       +       +   |
<_Set>    |___                                              ___|
<_Set>       |    +      +      +       +       +        |
<_Set>       |                                              |
<_Set>       |    +      +    __________   +      +      |
<_Set>       |                |########|                    |
<_Set>     / |    +      +    |########|   +      +      |\.
<_Set>   /   |                | |                   |  \.
<_Set> /     |_____________________ | |||||| |____________________| .  \.
<_Set> /.       .             .      ||||||        .     .\.
<_Set> _______________________________|||||| ______________________________
<_Set>
<_Set>   W E L C O M E   T O   E L S I N O R E!!!
<_Set>   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<_Set>    [0]

<audience> Clap,clap,clap.... etc....     [1]
.
.     =====PROLOGUE /TOPIC World_Premiere _irc_Hamlet_in_Progress  [2]
.
*** PROLOGUE has changed the topic on channel #Hamnet to "World_Premiere _irc_Hamlet_in_Progress"<PROLOGUE> All the world's a Unix term....[3]
<PROLOGUE> ...and all the men & women merely irc addicts....[4]
<PROLOGUE> This show is Copyright 1993 The Hamnet Players [5]
<PROLOGUE> Enjoy our show + no heckling plz [6]
<PROLOGUE> Script should not be re-staged w/out permish [7]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 1: THE BATTLEMENTS[8]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Hamlet[9]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Ghost [10]
<Hamlet> re, Ghost. Zup?        [11]
<Ghost> Yr uncle's fucking yr mum. I'm counting on u to /KICK the bastard.[12]
.   ======== GHOST /MODE * +o Hamlet    [13]
*** Mode change "+o Hamlet" on channel #Hamnet by Ghost
<Hamlet> Holy shit!!!! Don't op me, man!!!! I've gotta think abt this, + I've got chem lab in 1/2 hr. :-((((    [14]
**<< Action >>** : _Exit Hamlet   [15]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 2: AFTER HAMLET'S CHEM LAB   [16]
<Hamlet> 2b or not 2b... [17]
<Hamlet> Hmmmmmm...      [18]
<Hamlet> :-(  Bummer...  [19]
<Hamlet> Ooops, here comes Ophelia  [20]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Ophelia   [21]
<Ophelia> Here's yr stuff back      [22]
<Hamlet> Not mine, love. Hehehehehe ;-D  [23]
<Ophelia> O heavenly powers: restore him![24]
**<< Action >>** Ophelia thinks Hamlet's nuts[25]
<Hamlet> Make that "sanity-deprived", pls....[26]
<Hamlet> Oph: suggest u /JOIN #nunnery       [27]
<Ophelia> :-(  [28]
*** Signoff: Ophelia (drowning) [29]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 3: INTERIOR  [30]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter R_krantz    [31]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter G_stern     [32]
<R_krantz> re [33]
<G_stern> re  [34]
<Hamlet> re, guys... :-\   [35]
<R_krantz> zup?     [36]
<Hamlet> Fucked if i know. brb...[37]
**<< Action >>** : _Exit Hamlet in a sulk.[38]
<G_stern> fuckza matter w/him?   [39]
<R_krantz> Guess he must be lagged. Let's lurk [40]
**<< Action >>** : R_krantz lurks [41]
**<< Action >>** : G_stern lurks  [42]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 4: THE QUEEN'S CLOSET[43]
<Hamlet> Ma: what the fuck's going on?[44]
<Queen> Don't flame me, i'm yr Ma!    [45]
<Queen> Er.... [46]
<Prompter> Psst! Thou hast thy father much offended..[47]
<Queen> Oh, right.... Yr dad's pissed at u [48]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet slashes at the arras[49]
<Polonius> Arrrghhhh!!! [50]
.    ========= HAMLET /KICK * Polonius  [51]
*** Polonius has been kicked off channel #Hamnet by Hamlet
<Queen> Now look what u've done u little nerd. :-(  [52]
<Hamlet> Wrong man...... Bummer...  [53]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 5: GRUESOME FINALE  [54]
.   ========= QUEEN /TOPIC DEATH    [55]
*** Queen has changed the topic on channel #Hamnet to "DEATH"
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Hamlet, Queen, King, Laertes, R_krantz, G_stern [56]
**<< Action >>** : Queen takes a drink [57]
**<< Action >>** : King gives Ham & Laer swords[58]
<King> Go for it, lads![59]
**<< Action >>** : Laertes stabs Hamlet [60]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet stabs Laertes [61]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet stabs King  [62]
<Queen> Holy shit this Danish vodka is like poison :-@     [63]
<Hamlet> and u always thought i was just wasting my time in chem lab, hehehe [64]
**<< Action >>** : Queen dies in agony  [65]
<King> Aaaaarrgghhh! [66]
**<< Action >>** : King dies[67]
<Laertes> AAaaaarrrrrrhhhhh!!!![68]
**<< Action >>** : Laertes dies[69]
<Hamlet> AAAAaaaaaarrrrrrhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [70]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet dies [71]
**<< Action >>** : R_krantz + G_stern GULP!!!!!![72]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Fortinbras + drum + colours + attendants [73]
<Fort_bras> EEEEEEEuuuuuucchhhhhh!!!!!! What's been hpng here?[74]
<Drum> Like, rat-a-tat, man [75]
<Colours> Hmmmmmmm......    [76]
<Attndts> Holy sheeeeet!!!!![77]
.    ============ FORT_BRAS  /NICK _King    [78]
.
** Fort_bras is now knwn as _King
**<< Action >>** : _The CURTAIN SLOWLY FALLS. {{{{{{{--THE END--}}}}}}}[79]
<audience> hmmmmmmmm..... [80]