Online Infidelity: Aspects of Dyadic Satisfaction, Self-Disclosure, and Narcissism



Department of Psychology
Bar-Ilan University, Ramat-Gan, Israel


 

Abstract

This study examined the hypothesis that the desire for an online infidelity act is formed on the basis of both personality-related factors and relationship-related factors, similarly to "real life" infidelity. Two hundred participants who maintain a relationship in "real life" were recruited through web advertisements, and filled in online questionnaires regarding their dyadic satisfaction (DAS-7), self-disclosure (JSDQ), narcissism (NPI), and their Internet relationship expectations (IRI). Results indicated that the predictors of Internet relationship expectations are the experience of having an Internet relationship, higher tendencies of manipulation and exhibitionism, lower self-disclosure and lower dyadic cohesion. However, dyadic and sexual satisfaction do not predict higher expectations of an Internet relationship, in contrast to real life relationships. These findings demonstrate the difference between online and "real life" infidelity and emphasize the need for further research on the link between personality dynamics and online infidelity. Additional theoretical and clinical implications deriving from the results are discussed.

Introduction

The Internet started as a decentralized computer network for the United States Army for defense and security purposes (Gackenbach & Ellerman, 1998). Nowadays, in addition to serving as an important informational and commercial medium for organizations and individual users alike, the Internet has become a significant field for social interactions (Kraut, Patterson, Lundmark, Kiesler, Mukopadhyay, & Scherlis,1998). The growing number of users, conjointly with technological developments such as e-mail, chat, instant messaging, and video conferencing, has fostered the formation of a new category of interpersonal relationship, the online relationship (McKenna & Bargh, 2000).

An examination of the characteristics of online relationships is impossible without first distinguishing such relationships from face-to-face interactions, which we shall refer to as "real life" relationships. First, the global nature of the Internet diminishes the requirement for physical proximity, which is essential in "real life" relationships. Online, users experience proximity by sharing the same cyberspace, which usually means sharing the same interests or social groups. Additionally, the textual dimension of online communication decreases the importance of physical appearance and places greater emphasis on the user's verbal self-presentation. Such self-presentation is more controllable online than in "real life" since the user can elect which details to disclose and which to conceal or distort. Finally, the Internet allows users to maintain anonymity, thus fostering increased self-disclosure (Cooper & Sportolari, 1997) and creating a feeling of greater closeness, "hyper-intimacy" (Bonebrake, 2002) and a hyperpersonal effect (Walther, 1996).

These characteristics of online relationships attract not only users from minority groups outside the social consensus, such as gays and lesbians (McKenna & Bargh, 1998), but also individuals who maintain a stable relationship in "real life" and seek to "taste" online a form of an extra-dyadic relationship. Infidelity, according to its general definition, is considered as any violation of the dyadic norms that regulate the level of physical and emotional intimacy with people outside the dyad (Drigotas & Barta, 2001). Hence, unless both partners agree that online relationships and communication are allowed, we can refer to an extra-dyadic relationship online, which consists of elements of both emotional intimacy and sexual virtual contact, as an act of infidelity.

In her ACE Model, Young (1999) specifies three factors underlying the Internet's unique appeal to users who commit online infidelity: (a) Anonymity, as mentioned above, enables users to commit infidelity with decreased risk of social sanctions; (b) Convenience of chatrooms and instant messaging allows users to find easily, with a click of a mouse, an online partner with the specific attributes that are of interest to them; (c) Escaping to a different subjective reality is practicable online through fantasy. In this manner, for example, a housewife who feels undesired by her husband can experience online a revival of her youth through courtship by a younger male. Consequently, the phenomenon of online infidelity has become more widespread and although there exists no reliable estimation of the prevalence of this phenomenon, the existence of popular "married but looking" chatrooms and similar online discussion groups indicates that human infidelity has also found its place in cyberspace. As a result, support groups for individuals whose spouses maintain an Internet affair have sprouted, together with special spy software that promises to track the traces of infidelity on the computer and checklists that aid the suspicious spouse in identifying online infidelity (Young, Griffin-Shelly, Cooper, O'Mara, & Buchanan, 2000). In short, the need for further investigation of the basis for online infidelity, and of its retroactive diagnosis and treatment, is becoming increasingly important for researchers and clinicians. The present study aims to discover the potential factors that influence an Internet user who maintains a "real life" relationship to develop high expectations of an Internet affair, and possibly later on to engage in one.

Investigating the basis of online infidelity seems impossible without first inquiring into infidelity in "real life." In "real life," susceptibility to infidelity is linked to three groups of variables (Drigotas & Barta, 2001):

  1. Personality variables, such as high levels of narcissism and psychoticism and low levels of conscientiousness (Buss & Shackelford, 1997). High narcissism is specifically related to lower commitment to the current romantic relationship (Campbell, Foster, & Finkel, 2002).
  2. Relationship-related variables, such as the existence of dyadic conflicts based on jealousy, possessiveness, sexual incompatibility, and alcohol abuse.
  3. Demographic variables, and specifically gender. While men report more infidelity, it currently appears that both genders have the same inclination towards infidelity.

Based on what is known with respect to infidelity in "real life," we hypothesized that high expectations of online infidelity are based on both personality factors and factors related to the quality of the "real life" relationship.

Among the personality factors that contribute to the development of a desire for an online affair, narcissism seems to play a pivotal role. Apart from its significant link to infidelity in "real life," narcissism has specific relevance to online communication. Seiden (2001) describes the Internet love story as a narcissistic accelerator, which enables people with narcissistic tendencies to meet online and create a mutual tale that flatters their grandiosity. The online relationship serves, according to Seiden, as a selfObject unit for the two parties engaged within the cyber dialogue. The selfObject concept, formed by Kohut (1978), refers to the usage of another person as an extension or continuation of the self in order to receive mirroring and self-idealization. The view of the Internet relationship as a selfObject unit comports with Suler's view (2001) of Internet dialogue as a solipsistic introjection, in which the individuals forming the online relationship feel as if their mind has merged with the mind of their online companion and the online companion becomes a character within their intrapsychic world. Therefore, we expected that people who have higher narcissistic tendencies will develop higher expectations of an online love affair, as part of their desire to discover a selfObject that could fulfill vital functions that had been insufficiently available in their childhood.

In our examination of factors related to the quality of the "real life" relationship that could contribute to the desire to engage in an Internet affair, we expected that similar to "real life" infidelity (Wiggins & Lederer, 1984), individuals who were less satisfied with their "real life" relationship would develop higher expectations of an online affair. Cooper, McLoughlin, and Campbell's (2000) comment that couples facing dyadic conflicts seek support, intimacy, and understanding online supports this assumption. Moreover, we predicted that sexual satisfaction from the "real life" relationship plays a central role in the appeal of an Internet affair. According to Cooper et al. (2000), the Internet could assist a user in finding a partner who fulfills a sexual fantasy and enables safe sexual experimenting. Thus, we expected that individuals who were less satisfied with their sexual relationship in "real life" would develop higher expectations of an Internet affair, in order to compensate themselves sexually through cybersex.

Taking into consideration the self-disclosure that an Internet relationship permits, we expected that an Internet affair would be especially appealing to individuals who feel that their "real life" relationship does not allow them enough self-disclosure. Since self-disclosure has been found to be related to the stability of a relationship (Fitzpatrick & Sollie, 1999), we predicted that individuals with low self-disclosure in their "real life" relationship would develop higher expectations of an Internet affair.

Method

Participants and Procedure

200 participants volunteered to partake in the research. Participants were recruited through Hebrew and English web advertisements, placed by the research team in popular Israeli and international newsgroups and message boards (e.g., Walla, Yahoo!, AOL). All participants indicated that they were involved in a "real life" relationship during the time of the study. The advertisements directed the participants to the research website where they were first asked to fill out a background questionnaire on a hypertext (http) platform. This recruitment procedure and the online questionnaires were applied according to McKenna and Bargh's (2000) recommendations for Internet-based research.

Despite our effort to obtain a gender-balanced sample, there were 55 male participants and 123 female participants, ranging in age from 21 to 62 years. Participants' mean age was 32.8 (S.D.=9.29). The sample included 76 Israelis, 74 Americans and 28 individuals of other nationalities (Europeans and Asians). 106 of the participants reported being married while 45 participants reported cohabiting and 27 indicated they were seriously dating in "real life." The mean real life relationship duration was 8 years (S.D.=7.81). When asked about their Internet relationship experience, 69 participants reported having had an Internet relationship in the past, 37 indicated they were having an Internet relationship currently, 14 denied having an Internet relationship in the past or at present but did not rule out having one in the future, and 58 stated that they had never had an Internet relationship and would never have one in the future. The mean Internet relationship duration was 1.1 years (S.D.=1.26). Separate comparisons of gender and nationality subgroups failed to reveal differences in the scores on any scale of the questionnaire packet.

Measures

After the participants completed the background questionnaire, they were requested to respond to the following questionnaires on a hypertext (http) platform:

Dyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS-7)

The DAS, developed by Spanier (1976), provides an assessment of dyadic satisfaction based on participants' self report. Its short version, validated by Hunsley, Best, Lefebvre, and Vito (2001), comprises seven questions and provides three subscales of the "real life" relationship: dyadic consensus, dyadic cohesion, and general satisfaction. In the three items of the dyadic consensus subscale, participants rated the degree to which they agree with their partner on several issues on six-point Likert scales with the end-point designations always agree (5) and always disagree (0). In the next three items of the dyadic cohesion subscale, participants indicated how often specific dyadic activities occur on six-point Likert scales with the end-point designations More than once a day (5) and Never (0). Finally, in the last item participants rated their general satisfaction with their "real life" relationship on a seven-point Likert scale with the end-point designations perfect (6) and extremely unhappy (0). A general satisfaction score was calculated as a sum of all seven items' scores. The internal consistency of the DAS in this study was found to be 0.81.

Index of Sexual Satisfaction (ISS)

The ISS, developed by Hudson, Harrison, and Crosscup (1981), comprises 25 items and evaluates participants' sexual satisfaction with their "real life" relationship. All items are statements describing the quality of the participant's sex life (e.g., I feel that my partner enjoys our sex life). Participants rated the degree to which they agreed with each item on seven-point Likert scales, with the end-points designated as All the time (7) and None of time (1). For each participant, a sexual satisfaction score was calculated as the sum of all items' scores. In this study, the ISS internal consistency was found to be 0.96.

Jourard Self-disclosure Questionnaire (JSDQ)

Constructed originally by Jourard (1971), this short version questionnaire comprises 12 items and assesses the degree to which a participant discloses intimate details to his or her partner. Items comprised statements that described self-disclosure of details concerning career, emotions, financial affairs, health, and personality traits. Participants rated how often in their relationship each statement applies on a four-point Likert scale with the end-point designations have talked in full and complete details about this (0) and have lied or misinterpret myself about this (3). For each participant a self-disclosure score was calculated. Internal consistency for the JSDQ was found to be 0.81 in this study.

Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI)

Revised by Raskin and Terry (1988), this questionnaire is comprised of 40 items and is used as a diagnostic measure for narcissistic personality disorder according to the DSM-IV. Participants rated the degree to which each item described themselves on five-point Likert scales, with the end points designated as very true (5) and not true (1). We conducted a principle component factor analysis with Varimax rotation, which identified four components: vanity and attention-seeking, authority and control, self-sufficiency, and manipulation and exhibitionism. Each participant was assigned scores for the four components of the questionnaire and a general narcissism score. Internal consistency was found to be 0.93.

Internet Relationship Expectations Inventory (IRI)

The IRI, constructed specifically for this study, assesses the expectations of an online relationship and was used as the Independent variable in our study. It is comprised of 20 statements describing positive effects of the Internet relationship regarding self-disclosure (e.g., sharing my deepest personal feeling and thoughts), sexual satisfaction (e.g., enjoying the sex techniques that an online partner uses) and general satisfaction (e.g., having a stimulating exchange of ideas with my online partner). All items are based on statements from the DAS, ISS, and JSDQ questionnaires adapted to the online relationship context. Participants rated every item on five-point Likert scales, with the end-points designated as very likely (5) and totally unlikely (1). Internal consistency for the ISS was 0.89.

Social Desirability Questionnaire [M-C 2(10)]

Developed by Crowne and Marlowe (1960) and revised by Strahan and Gerbasi (1972), the SDQ served in this study as an instrument to validate the participants' sincerity and to filter out participants with high social desirability scores. The M-C 2(10) comprises 10 items which are statements concerning personal attitudes and traits. With respect to each statement, participants indicated whether it was true or false about themselves. A social desirability score, ranging from 0 to 10, was calculated according to an algorithm (Strahan & Gerbasi, 1972) and 18 participants whose score was higher than 8 were not included in the statistical analysis, reported in the results, in order to prevent biased results due to extremely high levels of social desirability.

Results

Table 1 presents the intercorrelations between the independent measure (IRI score) and the dependent scores (DAS, JSDQ, ISS, and NPI with its subscale scores). A hierarchical multiple regression analysis was conducted to determine the amount of variance in the Internet-relationship expectation inventory scores associated with the research independent variables. In the first step, the variables of being in an Internet relationship (the categorical variable was recoded as a dummy variable-whether or not the participant had experienced an online relationship), age, gender, type of relationship in real life (marriage or cohabitation), and the duration of the "real life" relationship were entered. In the second step, the variables of self-disclosure in the "real life" relationship, the dyadic adjustment scale variables factors (dyadic cohesion and dyadic consensus), the narcissistic personality inventory factors (manipulation and exhibitionism, self-sufficiency, vanity and need for attention, authority and control) and sexual satisfaction in the "real life" relationship were entered. In the third step, the dyadic interactions between the dependent variables were entered and in the fourth step, the triadic interactions between the variables were entered.

FIGURE 2. Hierarchical regression analysis
Table 2. Hierarchical regression analysis
* p<0.05
** p<0.01
*** p<0.001

All of the variables included in the regression equation explained 32.6% of the Internet relationship expectations' variance. The background variables entered in the first step explained 19.2% of the variance [F(5,166)=7.903 p<0.001 R2=0.192]. The variables entered in the second step explained an additional 7.3% of the variance [Fchange(8,158)=1.950 p<0.05] and the interactions entered in the third step added 4.6% to the total variance explained [Fchange(3,155)=3.645 p<0.05]. The triadic interaction entered in the fourth step did not significantly contribute to the prediction of Internet relationship expectations. Table 2 presents the relative contributions of the variables found to be significant predictors of Internet relationship expectations.

Step Variable ß T R2
1 Experience of being in an internet relationship 0.414 ***5.755 a0.438
2 Experience of being in an internet relationship 0.407 ***5.794 b0.515
  Manipulation and exhibitionism 0.223 *2.318
  Self disclosure 0.165 *2.106
  Dyadic cohesion -0.176 *-1.920
3 Experience of being in an internet relationship 0.410 ***5.795 c0.557
  Manipulation and exhibitionism 0.209 *2.564
  Self disclosure 0.208 **2.680
  Dyadic cohesion -0.171 *-1.875
  Dyadic cohesion and self disclosure interaction 0.211 **2.888
Table 2. Hierarchical regression analysis
* p<0.05
** p<0.01
*** p<0.001

Discussion

Overall, the results confirm the basic assumption underlying this study's hypothesis: that both personality-related factors and "real life" relationship-related factors contribute to the development of higher expectations of an Internet relationship. In addition, although not predicted, we found that there is a significant contribution of the mere experience of having an online relationship to the creation of expectations from such a relationship. Such an experience, in the past or at present, seems to be related to higher Internet relationship expectations.

Among the narcissistic personality-related variables included in this study, the manipulation and exhibitionism component significantly contributed to the prediction of higher Internet relationship expectations. This component is effectively comprised of two different traits, which need to be interpreted separately.

According to Hamilton, Decker, and Rumbaut (1986), manipulation is defined as consciously and intentionally influencing or controlling the behavior of others to one's own advantage by using charm, persuasion, seduction, deceit, guilt induction, or coercion. Hofer (1989) adds that manipulation is a defense mechanism that aims to compensate for failure in the separation-individuation process. In other words, the manipulative adult preserves an infantile interpersonal relations pattern in which he or she seeks to control others the way an infant controls his or her parents. We can assume that the Internet relationship enables a user to express manipulative tendencies due to the ability to create a self-presentation (false or improved) that would influence the Internet companion to act upon his or her wishes, and thus fulfill a fantasy, as part of a selfObject unit.

The NPI items that comprise the manipulation subscale (e.g., I can read people like an open book, I can make people believe anything I say) may also be linked to a basic position of omnipotence. Omnipotence, in infancy, is provided by the parent who nurtures and satisfies the infant's basic needs instantly, thus giving the infant "moments of illusion," also defined as moments of subjective omnipotence (Winnicott, from Mitchell, 1986). The Internet relationship can assist users to withdraw to momentary subjective omnipotence by enabling them to invite or remove the unwanted person, with a click of a mouse. This may explain the reason why participants who scored high in manipulation had higher expectations of an Internet relationship or alternatively, why having an Internet relationship may boost subjective omnipotence.

Exhibitionism is related to the Narcissist's need for mirroring and idealization by the environment (Kohut, 1978). An exhibitionistic exposure expresses a desire for attention and admiration as well as a desire to overcome shame and feelings of inadequacy, and is therefore an act of countershame (Silverstein, 1996). Online, exhibitionism can be experienced in several ways. First, the Internet provides a feeling of hyper-intimacy, which is expressed by higher self-disclosure (Bonebrake, 2002), enhanced by high sexualization (Cooper et al., 2000), and could also be looked upon as "verbal exhibitionism." Furthermore, the usage of new technologies, such as webcams, currently enables exhibitionists to express themselves relatively safely from home without requiring them to conduct a dangerous exhibitionist act outside.

The general Narcissism score and the other subscales of the NPI made no significant contribution to the prediction of Internet relationship expectations. The NPI is constructed according to the DSM diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which emphasizes the phenomenological aspects of narcissism, thus describing the extraverted, vain narcissist. However, Kohut's (1978) selfObject concept referred to the intrapsychic dynamics of the narcissistic personality and described the "shy narcissist," who is an introvert and who may not report grandiose thoughts or behavior but still craves a selfObject unit, with omnipotent control over it. Since Internet communication has been found to have a specific appeal for introverts (Amichai-Hamburger, Wainapel, & Fox, 2002), we can predict that using a Kohutian-based narcissistic inventory will depict a stronger link between narcissism and higher Internet relationship expectations, and this hypothesis paves the way for further research. Furthermore, manipulation and omnipotence are not related solely to narcissism but are part of the entire borderline personality organization characteristics (McWilliams, 1994). Thus, there is a necessity for further investigation of the link between online infidelity and personality structures, in order to determine whether the unique features of Internet communication attract users with certain intra-psychic dynamics. Moreover, it is important to study the influence of personality factors on the development of the Internet relationship in order to determine whether, for instance, individuals with borderline personality organization tend to transfer the Internet relationship into a "real life" affair more than individuals with a neurotic personality organization.

Exhibitionism, which as mentioned above can be expressed online also by verbal exposure, leads to an additional finding of this study that low self-disclosure enhances higher expectations of an online affair. This, as hypothesized, is similar to infidelity in "real life" which can occur on the basis of decreased self-disclosure in the relationship. It should be noted, though, that some of the participants (n=37) who were maintaining an Internet relationship at the time of the study may have been under the influence of its hyper-intimacy, thus experiencing a decrease in the perception of self-disclosure in their "real life" relationship. Moreover, the JDSQ did not include reports of how participants perceive their "real life" partners' self-disclosure towards them, and thus only partly covered the dyadic self-disclosure. Since self-disclosure is based on reciprocity and mutuality (Worthy, Gary, & Kahn, 1969), it is important to determine whether low self-disclosure derives from personality dynamics or from decreased self-disclosure by the " real life" companion; thus, a future study should include a measure of mutual self-disclosure.

The finding that dyadic cohesion is a significant predictor of Internet relationship expectations is not surprising; however, the general satisfaction (DAS) and the sexual satisfaction (ISS) measures did not have a significant influence on Internet relationship expectation. This finding, which does not corroborate this study's hypothesis, indicates that the basis for online infidelity is different from the basis for "real life" infidelity. Contrary to our expectations, online infidelity is not a refuge for Internet users who feel discontented and miserable in their real life relationships. Based on this finding, we can speculate that Internet infidelity is not intended to serve as an alternative to the "real life" relationship, but as a safe experimental field in which to fulfill hidden fantasies and play new roles.

The strongest predictor of Internet relationship expectations is the experience of having an online relationship. It appears that once the psychological barrier of an Internet relationship is broken, there is an increased desire to experience it again. This finding is strengthened by past studies, which found that exposure to Internet communication for both educational and personal purposes improved attitudes towards it and increased users' desire to use it for those purposes (Donn & Sherman, 2002; Koszalka, 2001). However, this finding requires further investigation, since in the present study, participants were not asked to indicate whether their Internet relationship experience was positive or negative. Such an indication may help reach conclusions regarding the existence of a psychological barrier as described above.

The findings of this study shed new light on the nature of online infidelity and have implications for its treatment. The current clinical approach (Young et al., 2000) views online infidelity as a symptom that needs to be treated exclusively in dyadic therapy for the purposes of its immediate termination. The findings that online infidelity is based on personality-related factors, and does not indicate lower dyadic satisfaction in real life, demonstrate the need for a new therapeutic approach, which should be presented to the patients themselves. The therapeutic intervention should include, in addition to improving the dyadic communication, an individual inquiry into the person's hidden fantasies that may not be fulfilled in "real life." The Dungeons and Dragons game has already been used in therapy as a vehicle for releasing hidden fantasies (Blackmon, 1994), and a similar usage can be obtained for the online love affair. However, this technique can be practiced only when the online infidelity act is contained and maintained at a level that does not threaten the dyadic daily routine. If the Internet relationship takes over the "real life" one, a sharper behavioral intervention, as recommend by Young et al. (2000), is required to contain the situation.

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About the Authors

Ilan Aviram is a Ph.D. student in the Psychology Department, Bar-Ilan University, Israel. He received his M.A. in clinical psychology and is also working at the Brill Community Mental Center in Tel-Aviv, Israel. This article is based on his M.A. thesis, supervised by Yair Amichai-Hamburger.
Address: 19 Kehilat Yassi st. Tel Aviv 69512, Israel

Yair Amichai-Hamburger is a social-industrial psychologist. He received his Ph.D. from Oxford University. He is an assistant professor at the Psychology Department, Bar-Ilan University, Israel. Yair has written widely on the impact of the Internet on well-being. He is the editor of the book The Social Net: Understanding Human Behavior in Cyberspace to be published in June 2005, Oxford University Press.
Address: Department of Psychology, Bar-Ilan University, Ramat-Gan 52900, Israel